Chumma Adiruthuilla!!!!

"Coooooooool"

How was the movie???

How many hours did you wait in line to get tickets??

Did you see the first day first show??

Does the movie have subtitles??

Were the tickets sold out??

Can we book tickets online??

Why is it playing so far away??

Whoa..... I have never been asked so many questions after I watched a movie. And then it sunk in slowly. Damn!! The Sivaji craze has definitely swept New York too. I am not getting into the story, but the million dollar question is, does the movie deliver and live up to all its hype?? Well, Yes and No.

As a Rajini Fan, Absolutely Yes. I whistled and threw popcorn every time Rajini flipped the coin or made a gimmick on screen. I was laughing my ass off when Vivek was delivering the punch dialogues. Watching the movie with a packed audience was truly electrifying and an experience I will cherish for a long time to come. Heck, where else can I see a 70 year old patti in front of me saying "Superrrrrrrr Superrrrr" encouraging all of us youngsters to cheer louder. I had to remind myself every now and then not to trash the cinema hall too much as I still in New York. When the movie was over, a bunch of non-desis (just trying to be politically correct) came in to clean with a dazed look on their faces unable to understand why the craze and curious as to what kind of movie was playing. Then on an impulse some of my friends wanted to watch the next show again. What wait, am I going to watch the same movie back to back??? To my relief (not that I told anyone publicly), the next show was sold out. Phew!!! Close call.

No doubt, there were parts which I loved and other parts were Yaaaaaawwnnn. The songs are great and ARR has certainly delivered on the background score (it woke me up several times actually) and the superstar certainly carries the movie and does what he is supposed to do. Rajini has proved that at 60 he can still act(Look out for the MGR Sivaji) and carry an entire movie with no help.

But I went home and thought about the movie and thats when the critic in me came out. I heard Shankar was trying to keep the story under wraps. Wow!! What story my friend? To put it mildly, Sivaji has no story. The entire hype has been built on Rajini who single handedly cleanses the society (don’t all Shankars hero's do that??). I wonder what the hell was in that movie that Shankar spent 80 crores on it. He should have spent some money to hire someone to write a good story instead. Agreed, the sets are lavish and Rajini has been made to look like a rap star, but come on, we need a script for sitting through a movie which is 3+ hours. One would also think that Rajini and Shankar/ARR would bring something new to the table, but clearly they did not want to be too bold or experiment.

Sivaji has certainly achieved what no other Tamil movie has (it was in the UK top 10 for a week), and it has opened up the market for regional movies globally. (Move over SRK and Amitabh, here come the real superstars of Indian cinema). Frankly, the movie runs in patches, there are no doubt, some really good, brilliant, funny scenarios woven together with weak moments (I am leaving out the unbelievable, as after all, this is a Rajini movie and asking for logic would be too much). The fights are great with special effects and watching Rajini bash up 25 people in slow motions is simply superb (with the FX of course). AVM, Shankar and Rajini should thank their lucky stars as everyone has given Sivaji the benefit of the doubt and embraced it wholeheartedly (only for Rajinis sake) making it a runaway success.

My $0.02 to Rajini: The movie entertains to a large extent. But please remember from now on that you have a global audience. The sets and heroines are not important in your movies. The story, script and your style (strictly in that order) are the only things that matter.

My $0.02 to Shankar: Be bold and experiment. Don’t get scared that you have to protect the star’s image. Alternatively, don’t direct movies with bigger than life stars. I would have been very happy if you had the guts to show Rajini flipping a cigarette in style rather than wanting to show it, but getting scared, and eventually settling to showing him flip a chili. That’s not style, it’s ridiculous. And next time, before you spend someone else’s crores, write a story!!!!!

And finally to all Indian film makers, next time you decide to show Wall Street in your movies, talk to me. I will tell you how business is done on the street. Don’t freaking show 25 people in suits and try to pass them off as wall street businessmen.

But anyways, I do have a confession to make and this is the fan in me talking. I will be watching Sivaji for the second time this weekend, with a bunch of people from work (who don’t understand a word in tamil btw). But, I am certainly not spending money on popcorn this time around.

VERDICT: Entertainment Guaranteed, even if you don’t know Tamil!!

PS: The movie, declared India's most expensive, has been made at a cost of Rs.80 crores and it has been projected to do a business of Rs.150-160 crores.

Go Ahead, Jump the Fence!!!

Did we just give the green light to keep jumping the fence. Apparently we just did...

So here we go again. Like many of you, I picked up the newspaper and was really disappointed to see that the immigration bill died in the senate and will not be debated anymore. What is everyone thinking?? I don’t agree with anything the Bush administration has done so far, but after 7 years he finally comes up with one good plan and it gets killed!!!!!!!!!!!

Booooooooooooo to all of you guys who are against CIR (Comprehensive Immigration Reforms). The congress is only 6 months old and its already become a "Do Nothing" congress.

Fact: There are close to 13 Million illegal residents within the country.

Fact: As per the law of the land, it is not illegal to be here illegally (funny huh?? Well, it is considered only a civil crime)

Fact: There is no way to trace where these millions of illegal people are and there is nothing to stop more people from coming in the future.

Fact: Say what you want, but at least 70% of these people are latino’s

So we can all either accept the fact that these people are not leaving (come on guys, do you seriously think you can trace and deport or convince 13 million people to leave) or wait till the day 13 million becomes say 20-25 million (you know its going to happen with each passing day you refuse to address the issue) and then it becomes much much more difficult to tackle.

I am not getting into the details of the bill (and the 100’s of amendments everybody wants), but some of the important points for everybody to consider before they oppose is:

• The 12 Million undocumented workers can come forward immediately and receive probationary legal status (What is there to oppose in that??? Hey, if I had 12 million people in my backyard, and I don’t even know where they, you bet I want to know who/where they are)
• Bill creates a four-year, renewable "Z" visa for those present within the U.S. unlawfully before Jan. 1, 2007
• Undocumented immigrants may adjust status to lawful permanent residence once they pay $5,000 in fees and fines and their head of household returns to their home country.
• No green cards for "Z" visa holders will be processed until "triggers" for border security and workplace enforcement have been met, estimated to take 18 months.
• Processing of green cards for holders of "Z" visas would begin after clearing an existing backlog, which is expected to take eight years. (which means, it will be at least 15 years before these people get green cards and 20 years before they can become American’s). Heck, many of them won’t even be alive in 20 years.

And before any of these people can apply to become Green Card holders, the border security must be enforced (This part is especially for people who oppose, so take your heads out of your A$$ and listen):

• 20,000 new border patrol agents will be hired and 300 miles of vehicle barriers and 370 miles of fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border will have to be completed.
• All that ground-based radar, camera towers, unmanned aerial vehicles and supporting systems etc. will be funded and implemented.

So in essence, border security will be enforced before any of the undocumented (ok, illegal) people can be granted permanent residence.

Once border security has been enforced, a guest worker program will be established (“Y” Visa), under which people can come in LEGALLY to work in the United States.

Still opposing the bill????

The fact is these people contribute to our economy (or its probably a wash, depending on how you look at it), but if we legalize them, it certainly gives hope to millions. And come on, the US has its lowest level of unemployment (hovering around 4%), and we have managed to absorb 12 million workers into the country. All senators talk about strengthening border security and building a fence and then legalizing, but what I don’t get is, that’s what this bill states, then why are you opposing? Do you think that by putting if off, you have solved the issue??

Fact: 13 million people will actually contribute to the economy (TAXES!!!! I am sure the IRS is a strong supporter of the Bill)
Fact: All of these people (X or Y Visas), will have to undergo background checks and criminal checks, so we can actually catch the guys who are committing crime
Fact: You can actually control crime, including stopping drug smuggling (Hey, you at least know where they are, so go and catch them)
Fact: If people have hope and they will try and come here legally, (ming chu will not be coming in a container and Immanuel will not jump the fence risking their lives as a first resort), and we might actually be able to control the flow of people we cannot trace.
Fact: You have just messed up a CIR amendment on stopping the H1-B and L1 visa abuse (Too big a topic for discussion on this one)
Fact: The heavily Latino underclass of unskilled, poorly-paid U.S. workers will be free from the shackles of unequal treatment as a human beings. (You can deny it, but it is happening!!)
Fact: There will be millions more coming in illegally before you address this issue again.

American’s get so emotional when it comes to this issue that they fail to see rational benefits if the bill is passed. I am not blindly defending the bill, of course its perfect by no means, but it’s the most realistic bill I have seen in recent years, which can actually work. Right now, the system is broken and beyond repair (trust me, we are coming back to this issue when the 13 mil becomes 25 mil) and at the very least, this bill creates a system where we can control the flow and reduce crime.

All the conservatives are bloating that they have a victory in defeating the bill. But my friends, trust me, by killing the bill (thereby the debate to see if it’s good or bad), do you know you have just told all the people looking to come here for a better life .“You want to come to the USA, great, but wait, we have just made it complicated to come into the US the right way if you are not educated, so go ahead Pablo, just come here illegally, its much easier”

Myth: Illegal aliens cost the American taxpayers tens of billions of dollars in social services, primarily in the areas of healthcare and education. No they do not. Go back again and check your facts.

Final Fact: These people are going nowheres Jose.

So you can either let them pay taxes and live here legally in peace, or encourage them to jump the fence.

But wait, Oh Ok…Apparently we just told them to jump (sigh!!)

(When) Did the Mahabharata Happen?

I came across a very cleverly written piece a few months back but all my efforts to trace the writer has been unsuccessful. The article has since then been taken down (I wouldn’t be surprised if the psycho Shiv Sena’s had a hand with it), but luckily I had a saved copy of the article.

I think its pretty funny, so here goes…

This is one question that has been bothering me for a while. Like most of you, I too have learned history in school, but never found an answer because like most of you I too slept in the history class. But after doing some research I have found out exactly when the Mahabharata war happened.If this is not Kali Yug, then what is it?

Kali Yug is one of the Yugas as per the Puranic timeframe. First there was Satya Yuga, then Treta Yuga, then Dwapara Yuga, and now, Kali Yuga. Even though the Puranas stop at this point, this was followed by various minor Yugas that went undocumented. These include India-Got-Independence Yuga, Secularists-wrote-history Yuga, and Secularist-lies-got-exposed Yuga.

One of the dates mentioned for Mahabharata is 3130-3140 BC. This date is based on the work of Aryabhata (with one t), who lived from 476-550 AD. Aryabhata held that the earth rotates on its axis, and gave the correct explanation of eclipses of the sun and the moon. In mathematics he solved the quadratic equation. In his spare time he also found an easy way to compute the tip mentally after seeing a restaurant bill. But he could not figure out how to fill Form 1040 without using Tax Cut.

Aryabhata stated that Kali Yug started 3600 years before, when he was 23 years old, making the start year as 3102 BC. To this if you add the age of Krishna, subtract the year when he was born and do a cube root with the number of years the Pandavas ruled, it will be found that the Mahabharata war happened in 3130-3140 BC. Looking at this information we can infer one thing for sure: When you are a 20-year-old something in 500 AD, there is very little for entertainment. Another way to verify the dates of historical events is Archeology.

But more than Archeology, Philology has been used to write ancient Indian history. Philology, started by a guy named Phil, is a discipline devoted to the reconstruction of history and culture based on the comparative study of ancient languages such as Sanskrit, Greek, Latin and others. If the researcher does not come up with a conclusion involving all those languages, then he may not get a grant to continue research. Philology grabbed Indian history in the year 1785 when Sir William Jones started studying Sanskrit. He found many similarities between German and Celtic languages and postulated that all of these must have originated from the same source. Shared language means shared heritage, was the conclusion. The idea of one civilization spreading from Europe to India looked impressive. But there was one problem. How did the language spread from Europe to India?

So we got the Aryans, a group of horse-riding, fair-skinned, tuxedo-wearing people who invaded India and taught the dumb Dravidians everything from Vedas to Internet. There was one more problem -- they had to find one Aryan Homeland, somewhere in Europe. The main contenders were the south Eastern Europe and Frankfurt International Airport. Finally it was decided that the Aryans came from south Eastern Europe, which was finalized by throwing darts on a National Geographic Map of the world. The other day I was in K-Mart, looking to buy a bottle of Tang. I picked up the orange flavored one and it was written in Spanish that the flavor was 'Naranja'. Now in my home state of Kerala, a lemon is called 'Naranja' in Malayalam. So as per philology, Mexico, where Tang was made, and Kerala have a shared heritage. Now all I had to do was find a common homeland. For this I threw the dart at the National Geographic Map in my cubicle. But it hit my cubicle neighbor in the head. Anyways, she talks too loud.

Since I don't have a Sir before my name, the theory, 'Malayalees are from Mexico' is not popular. But it is important that we do some archeology to verify these philological theories. So an archeologist takes a shovel, goes to a spot where the earth has not been disturbed in recent times. Digging down, he finds various strata of earth clearly separated from each other. Motivated by the fact that he might find some bones, pottery, or tools that can tell a great deal about the history of early humans, he keeps digging. Finally he hits on an earthworm family, which was having a quiet earthworm lunch, and looks up and gives the choicest abuses in earthworm language.

Even though Archeology can open a can of worms sometimes, archeologists who conducted excavations in various places mentioned in Mahabharata found iron objects which included arrow and spearheads, shafts, tongs, hooks, axes and knives that indicate the existence of a vigorous industry. An analysis done based on these excavations points to the date of Mahabharata as 1000-900 BC, about 500 years before Buddha From what I have been reading these days, archeology is also not very popular with a certain section of people, like for example: historians. This is because Hindu Fundamentalists have been using Archeology to push back the antiquity of Indian civilization, according to Dr. D. N. Jha who told this in an article which appeared in the New York Times, and the reason for that is Saraswati. Through satellite photography, scientists have mapped the course of an enormous river that once flowed through the north western region of India. Dr J. R.Sharma who heads the Remote Sensing Services Centre in Jodhpur and his team believe they have found Saraswati, of the Ganga, Jamuna, and Saraswati (1988) fame starring Amitabh, Mithun and Jayaprada.

Saraswati, the river mentioned in the Vedas, is believed to have disappeared thousands of years ago. On this discovery, the Government decided to send archaeologists and geologists to explore sites along the river's course. We cannot predict what these archeological excavations will reveal. Maybe it will bring out more evidence of a civilization that pre-dated the Aryan Invasion, proving that when the Aryans came into India and tried to teach the locals how to use dial-up connection, the locals taught them how to use Wi-Fi networks.

The losers would be the people who championed the Aryan Invasion Theory and are not willing to change it in the face of new evidence. Archeological excavations in the Saraswati region would be a real historian's dream. But unfortunately this project was started by the democratically elected BJP Govt, which makes it illegitimate and motivated by religion according to the logic beamed into the critic's head by the aliens that appear in The Simpsons. That is the topic for another article.

But, anyway, we have an approximate idea on when Mahabharata happened. It happened in 1988 on Doordarshan.

The iPhone (The Phone that almost was)

Wait Wait, is tomorrow is the iDay???? For all the iphone/apple "Oh, its so cool folks" (I am calling them official beta testers), Yes it is. But guys, the book (iPhone, The Missing Manual) is out only on August 15th and you can pre-order from Amazon.

I was walking by the apple store on 5th avenue and spotted a looooong line. I could not believe it as there was a bunch of kids, guys, girls and even some granny’s waiting for the countdown so they can run into the store and buy the phone (or maybe once they all realize how much they overpaid, their next stop at the same speed may be EBAY). And of course, well, new york being new york, there were even a few guys screaming trying to sell their spots on the line for a couple of hundred bucks (Attention: Those who dont want to stand in line). I picked up the papers and everywhere i read, there were iPhone reviews. Turn on NBC, CBS, ABC, WB11, all of them full of iPhone ads.

Has everyone gone mad??? I have nothing against apple (I own 3 ipods myself) and after looking at the plan from AT&T (formerly Cingular), its a no brainer for any person who currently uses a smart phone to conclude that the hype will die down very quickly as its easy to talk the talk, but will people walk the walk on this one??? At $500 (for a 4GB) and $600 (for a 8GB) a pop, it is an EXPENSIVE phone and for all this, it DOES NOT have all the features of a true smart phone.

The hype and hoopla is so high around this gadget that it is truly baffling. You've got to hand it to steve jobs. His net worth has certainly skyrocketed and the stock has been on overdrive since the iPhone announcement. He certainly has managed to whip up frenzy like no other phone has done in the past and for all this, this is apple's first foray into the cell phone market (ok, ok leave out ROKR guys, that was a total disaster!!!). The only true accomplishment of the iphone will be waking up Nokia, Motorola and RIM and changing the smart phone gadgets/market from now on.

Here's some of my thoughts on what rocks and what sucks. Even if you dont agree, as I like to say, a drunk mans words are a sober man's thoughts.

What Rocks about the iPhone

• Looks Sleek and Ultra-Cool
• Looks Sleek and Ultra-Cool
• Looks Sleek and Ultra-Cool
• Looks Sleek and Ultra-Cool
• Looks Sleek and Ultra-Cool

What Sucks about the iPhone

• Only available through AT&T (What were you thinking Steve????)
• No Games
• No Instant Messaging Chat support
• No Picture messaging (MMS) capabilities
• No Video recording capabilities
• No Voice recognition or voice dialing
• No 3G Network Support
• No GPS (What!!! after all this Hype???#$%#$#)
• No support for all of the iPod accessories
• No easy way to transfer phone numbers from an existing phone - This sucks esp if you own an smartphone with 100's of contacts
• No editing or saving of word and excel documents
• No Removable battery - which means if your battery goes, you have to take it back to apple. Btw, apple has already disclosed that battery will need to be replaced after 300-400 charges
• AT&T has refused wireless insurace on the iphone as the phone is provided by apple
• No Expandable Storage
• No Corporate Email support - This is the biggest deal breaker personally for me. If it cant support my work emails, no way Jose.
• Takes more taps to reach the phone interface than other smartphones - I know cause I currently own both a Blackberry and a Treo
• Will not work on Pre-Paid service
• No access to iTunes Music Store
• No way to seach songs or contact lists
• And finally a Desi being a Desi, I cant unlock it and give it to anyone back home. Come on desi’s, ya’ll know its true (I am actually rooting for the Chinese on this one to hack the phone and unlock it within the next 3 days)

I do admit that I spend a lot of my money on booze, gambling, women and fast cars. (The order may change depending on the day of the week). The rest I just squander away. But will I squander away $600 on the iPhone just now???? Nah!!! I think I will wait for the 2G iPhone, which apple will be forced to bring out very very soon, unless blackberry has already thrown a curve ball at the iphone.

Buy hey, please go ahead and buy an iphone for yourself. After all I do own lots of apple stocks and every time one of you buys an iPhone, I get rich:):)

Not buying the phone yet??? Geeeeeeezzzzz, Ok, at least order the book from Amazon!!! (Oh!!Did I tell you I have a deal with the writer as well??).